The three day rule
Jul 17th, 2008 by Jill
The three day rule was Kathy’s idea. If something happens that upsets one of us or that we’re mad or hurt about, we have to talk about it with the other one within three days. If we can’t bring ourselves to do that, we have to let it go. It’s no longer “mad-able”. It can’t be a secret, lurking grudge that we don’t talk about or that only comes up weeks or months or years later in a fight. It’s a statute of limitation on offenses.
She suggested it when we first started talking again after our year of angry silence, and it works for us. For me, it’s permission to speak up and to speak my mind. And it’s an impetus. It’s a “now or never” kind of deadline that more often than not gets me talking. For her, it’s the freedom to know that I’m not harboring grudges that she doesn’t have any inkling about. For both of us, it’s a kind of security in this odd, close quarters set-up. We agree to listen, even if it hurts. We agree to speak, even if it’s scary, to the point of stomach acid and shaking and getting the runs. And we agree to let some things go.
Wow, this is a really good idea! I’m going to suggest that we implement this with certain people in our own family. Thanks for sharing.
I like that it allows you to either think about it for 3 days and decide to let it go or to hash it out and work through it. Either way, it’s over in 3 days. A good plan all around!
When I first saw the title of this post, I wondered why you were writing about healthcare topics (in hospital billing, there’s a 72 hour rule regarding how services are billed to insurance companies). I like your rule much better than the healthcare one.