The DHX: The Doughtie Houses Exchange

There is a lot of talk in the blog world about the pain of stepfamily life. And stepfamily life can be painful, but pain isn’t the whole story any more than it is the whole story of life in general.
What we have between our two houses is good. It isn’t conventional. It doesn’t look like [...]

Read Full Post »

The three day rule was Kathy’s idea. If something happens that upsets one of us or that we’re mad or hurt about, we have to talk about it with the other one within three days. If we can’t bring ourselves to do that, we have to let it go. It’s no longer “mad-able”. It can’t [...]

Read Full Post »

By Katherine Shirek Doughtie
I was selling my book at the LA Times Festival of Books today, when I heard a woman’s voice say “Don’t I know you?” After about five minutes of cross-referencing, we figured out that we had shared a cabin at a church camp about 12 years ago, had had Thanksgiving together [...]

Read Full Post »

By Jill Davis Doughtie
It was Tuesday. Jack’s class was leaving for Wyoming the following Sunday. We got an email from the trip organizers reminding us that it would be about fifteen degrees there and re-sending us the list of things he should bring with him: a warm winter coat, wool sweaters, a waterproof jacket, long [...]

Read Full Post »

By Jill Davis Doughtie
I have a theory about why we, as co-parents, don’t always see eye to eye about what’s best for the kids. I think we’re trying to give the kids the best of our own childhood experiences. We’re each building on what we remember from our own childhoods as being especially helpful, especially [...]

Read Full Post »

By Jill Davis Doughtie
“[O]nce you willingly have a baby with someone, there is always love – somewhere.” — Peter Ehrlich
“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.” — Elie Wiesel
I think we struggle so much across houses in extended stepfamilies because we feel a connection we don’t know what to do with. We have [...]

Read Full Post »

Are you thinking this?
“That’s nice that Kathy and Jill sing Kumbaya together every weekend while braiding daisies into each other’s hair, but they’re just lucky! I would love to have such a reasonable mom/stepmom in my life, but mine is just a whole different kind of person.”
Or this?
“I don’t want to be friends with the [...]

Read Full Post »

Kathy’s Two Moms post last weekend just about made me cry.
I’ve always been careful about the word mom. I’ve always thought in our family it was important to respect and acknowledge Kathy’s unique relationship with the kids. She is the one who carried them inside her for nine months. She is the one who gave [...]

Read Full Post »