Comments on: How to make small talk with stepmoms http://www.thedhx.com/2008/07/28/how-to-make-small-talk-with-stepmoms/ A mom and a stepmom share stories, ideas, friendship and family Sun, 08 Nov 2009 23:17:19 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9 hourly 1 By: anne http://www.thedhx.com/2008/07/28/how-to-make-small-talk-with-stepmoms/comment-page-1/#comment-1827 anne Wed, 06 Aug 2008 01:51:10 +0000 http://www.thedhx.com/?p=648#comment-1827 This is really helpful. I like this. It helped me think about how to have conversations in general when I'm not quite sure what's okay to talk about. Very insightful. This is really helpful. I like this.
It helped me think about how to have conversations in general when I’m not quite sure what’s okay to talk about.
Very insightful.

]]> By: Amy http://www.thedhx.com/2008/07/28/how-to-make-small-talk-with-stepmoms/comment-page-1/#comment-1826 Amy Mon, 04 Aug 2008 15:02:31 +0000 http://www.thedhx.com/?p=648#comment-1826 Jill, I really like your suggestions. Thank you very much for giving some "answers". Sometimes it is like pulling teeth to find out what another person needs. You put it in a very simple way. I do agree with Kathy a little on the "jokingly"... It just depends on the person. Someone who is as enlightened and positive about their sitation as you are would handle it just fine, but those on the fence may go the pitty route... My biggest fear would be a response of "yes that is exactly how it is"... and then my happy go lucky day and conversation turns in to... Yikes:) Thank you for giving me hope. Amy Jill,

I really like your suggestions. Thank you very much for giving some “answers”. Sometimes it is like pulling teeth to find out what another person needs. You put it in a very simple way. I do agree with Kathy a little on the “jokingly”… It just depends on the person. Someone who is as enlightened and positive about their sitation as you are would handle it just fine, but those on the fence may go the pitty route… My biggest fear would be a response of “yes that is exactly how it is”… and then my happy go lucky day and conversation turns in to… Yikes:)

Thank you for giving me hope.

Amy

]]> By: Jill http://www.thedhx.com/2008/07/28/how-to-make-small-talk-with-stepmoms/comment-page-1/#comment-1822 Jill Tue, 29 Jul 2008 00:09:31 +0000 http://www.thedhx.com/?p=648#comment-1822 Thanks, Mike! :) Thanks, Mike! :)

]]> By: Mike http://www.thedhx.com/2008/07/28/how-to-make-small-talk-with-stepmoms/comment-page-1/#comment-1821 Mike Mon, 28 Jul 2008 22:46:23 +0000 http://www.thedhx.com/?p=648#comment-1821 Jill, appreciate your insights. People like you make this world liveable. You as a stepmom just reinforces the treasure you are. I among others patiently wait for the return of your office hours. Until then, we await your next posting. Jill, appreciate your insights.
People like you make this world liveable. You as a stepmom just reinforces the treasure you are.
I among others patiently wait for the return of your office hours.
Until then, we await your next posting.

]]> By: Jill http://www.thedhx.com/2008/07/28/how-to-make-small-talk-with-stepmoms/comment-page-1/#comment-1820 Jill Mon, 28 Jul 2008 18:30:27 +0000 http://www.thedhx.com/?p=648#comment-1820 Someone said that to me once with a twinkle in their eye -- it was someone outside our social group -- and it was a door opener. It was immediate permission to talk about being a stepmom -- something that usually seems to make lots of people uncomfortable. It was "I see you as a person -- as a nurturing woman -- not as scary cartoon character." And it was also, "I see you, and I've heard about what that role feels like." I felt seen -- really seen. I think the twinkle made all the difference. Said without the twinkle it wouldn't have been the same at all. And it was a door to say, "No, no. It's not like that!" and to talk more. Because it's not like that between us -- you and me -- but it is like that for me sometimes in the wider world. And it's immensely comforting to have someone crack open the door to the subject in a light way -- not to dwell on it, but just to say, "Oh, yeah, I've heard about that." When it's a twinkle-in-the-eye joke, I see it as a door I can go through or not -- an indirect invitation to talk more and to say, "It's not quite like that, it's like this..." -- and it's an invitation I can accept or not without anyone feeling awkward or overwhelmed or rejected either way. Someone said that to me once with a twinkle in their eye — it was someone outside our social group — and it was a door opener. It was immediate permission to talk about being a stepmom — something that usually seems to make lots of people uncomfortable. It was “I see you as a person — as a nurturing woman — not as scary cartoon character.” And it was also, “I see you, and I’ve heard about what that role feels like.” I felt seen — really seen. I think the twinkle made all the difference. Said without the twinkle it wouldn’t have been the same at all. And it was a door to say, “No, no. It’s not like that!” and to talk more. Because it’s not like that between us — you and me — but it is like that for me sometimes in the wider world. And it’s immensely comforting to have someone crack open the door to the subject in a light way — not to dwell on it, but just to say, “Oh, yeah, I’ve heard about that.” When it’s a twinkle-in-the-eye joke, I see it as a door I can go through or not — an indirect invitation to talk more and to say, “It’s not quite like that, it’s like this…” — and it’s an invitation I can accept or not without anyone feeling awkward or overwhelmed or rejected either way.

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