“If you cannot transform your suffering…”
Apr 30th, 2008 by Jill
“If you cannot transform your suffering, you will transmit it.” –unknown
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About us
Katherine Shirek Doughtie is the mom. She is the author of Aphrodite in Jeans: Adventure Tales about Men, Midlife and Motherhood, and also blogs at Kathy's Blog.
Jill Davis Doughtie is the stepmom. She can also be found at Pasadena Housewife, Eye Level Pasadena, and friendfeed/jilldoughtie.
More about us
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Our peeps:
G is Chris and Jack's dad and husband to Jill.
Chris is a teenager. He's Kathy and G's son, and Jill's stepson.
Jack is a tweenager (as he likes to be called). He's Kathy and G's son, and Jill's stepson.
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Kathy's book
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Books about peacemaking and communication
If Jill could recommend only one book on building a better mom-stepmom relationship, it would be The Anatomy of Peace, and it's not even about stepfamilies. It's about helping things go right in all kinds of relationships. Related posts
People with drastically different communication styles can appear hostile to each other when they think they are signaling friendliness and consideration. That's Not What I Meant! is like the Rosetta stone. Related posts
One of the key ideas in this book is no one's needs in a relationship can be sacrificed. Not our own, and not anyone else’s. This book is about identifying and communicating feelings and needs in ways that are easier to hear, and it's about listening through difficult conversations for the feelings and needs others are trying to communicate. Related posts -
Books about co-parenting
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Books about stepparenting
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Parenting books
The Parent Effectiveness Training book is our parenting bible. It's a guide to parenting with respect, consideration for everyone's needs, and without manipulation. It has probably also informed our relationship with each other. Do we always follow it perfectly? No, but we try. Related posts
How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk is a great to read alongside the P.E.T. book above. The conversational techniques it teaches dovetail with the P.E.T. approach.
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Stories about stepfamily life, life after divorce, and starting over
My Father Married Your Mother is collection of essays about real life stepfamily experiences by authors including Barbara Kingsolver, Sandra Tsing Loh, Jacquelyn Mitchard, Susan Cheever, and more. Related posts
Elizabeth Gilbert was recently divorced and miserable when she decided she wanted to travel around the world for a year, focusing on pleasure in Italy, devotion in India, and balance in Bali, and then write a book about it. She’s believable, she’s loveable, and she’s larger than life but not intimidating. She’s like a best friend or a sister calling that the water’s warm, the world is wild, and happiness after heartbreak is possible — even better than before. Related posts -
Books for working through difficult times
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On the lighter side
If you're looking for a lighter treatment of divorce and remarriage, look no further. Zsa Zsa Gabor is your woman. Even though it's mostly funny and over the top, there are some nuggets of wisdom in this book. And some joy and love and affection. Related posts -
Not exactly books
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Blended family, single parent and co-parenting blogs
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- Flustered
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- In this house, I’m the Mama…
- It’s a Love Thing - My Life as a Stepmother
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- Stepdaddyblog.com
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