Comments on: Some non-scary reasons the moms and stepmoms in our lives might be reading our blogs http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/26/some-non-scary-reasons-the-moms-and-stepmoms-in-our-lives-might-be-reading-our-blogs/ A mom and a stepmom share stories, ideas, friendship and family Wed, 03 Dec 2008 20:29:10 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.3 By: The Smirking Cat http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/26/some-non-scary-reasons-the-moms-and-stepmoms-in-our-lives-might-be-reading-our-blogs/#comment-1061 The Smirking Cat Thu, 03 Apr 2008 20:14:31 +0000 http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/26/some-non-scary-reasons-the-moms-and-stepmoms-in-our-lives-might-be-reading-our-blogs/#comment-1061 Here's yet another perspective. Yes, my blog is public, and I have always felt the more readers, the merrier. By the same token, any reader can leave at any time and go read something else if they are unhappy, offended, bored, whatever. Making an adult decision regarding what you read online shouldn't be difficult. You can't complain about a blog, whine about it in court, and then return to it rabidly day after day, then claim anything but malice in your intent. Any "innocent" reasons for hanging out on my blog are easily and immediately eliminated after stunts like that. It's wonderful if some of you are in more sane situations where you can afford the benefit of the doubt. Here’s yet another perspective. Yes, my blog is public, and I have always felt the more readers, the merrier. By the same token, any reader can leave at any time and go read something else if they are unhappy, offended, bored, whatever. Making an adult decision regarding what you read online shouldn’t be difficult. You can’t complain about a blog, whine about it in court, and then return to it rabidly day after day, then claim anything but malice in your intent. Any “innocent” reasons for hanging out on my blog are easily and immediately eliminated after stunts like that. It’s wonderful if some of you are in more sane situations where you can afford the benefit of the doubt.

]]> By: Jill http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/26/some-non-scary-reasons-the-moms-and-stepmoms-in-our-lives-might-be-reading-our-blogs/#comment-867 Jill Fri, 29 Feb 2008 03:27:19 +0000 http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/26/some-non-scary-reasons-the-moms-and-stepmoms-in-our-lives-might-be-reading-our-blogs/#comment-867 That's a very, very, very good point! That’s a very, very, very good point!

]]> By: lisa http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/26/some-non-scary-reasons-the-moms-and-stepmoms-in-our-lives-might-be-reading-our-blogs/#comment-866 lisa Fri, 29 Feb 2008 03:24:07 +0000 http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/26/some-non-scary-reasons-the-moms-and-stepmoms-in-our-lives-might-be-reading-our-blogs/#comment-866 "The best thing you can do for yourself. Stop worrying about what “he” told “her” about “your” relationship; demise of your relationship; etc. It doesn’t matter in the long run." And, as a second wife, I live with him, I know he's not perfect, but I won't tell you that. Just believe me when I say that I'm not always on his 'side' like you tend to think. ;) “The best thing you can do for yourself. Stop worrying about what “he” told “her” about “your” relationship; demise of your relationship; etc. It doesn’t matter in the long run.”

And, as a second wife, I live with him, I know he’s not perfect, but I won’t tell you that. Just believe me when I say that I’m not always on his ’side’ like you tend to think. ;)

]]> By: lisa http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/26/some-non-scary-reasons-the-moms-and-stepmoms-in-our-lives-might-be-reading-our-blogs/#comment-865 lisa Fri, 29 Feb 2008 03:21:29 +0000 http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/26/some-non-scary-reasons-the-moms-and-stepmoms-in-our-lives-might-be-reading-our-blogs/#comment-865 I used to be totally paranoid that BM would find the Blender site or my blog.. actually, I don't write a ton on my blog because of it. I had a fake name, etc.. Then I realized that I was allowing her to scare me.. and I really don't think that anything worse could happen if she found it. She may react (alright, I KNOW she'd react) but I don't post anything I wouldn't say to her face given the chance.. at least not to the public eye. I have nothing to hide.. and maybe, just maybe, she'd be able to see that Step mom and all, I'm truly a pretty nice person. Not out to take her daughter away. Nice post, Jill. Thank you. I used to be totally paranoid that BM would find the Blender site or my blog.. actually, I don’t write a ton on my blog because of it.

I had a fake name, etc..

Then I realized that I was allowing her to scare me.. and I really don’t think that anything worse could happen if she found it. She may react (alright, I KNOW she’d react) but I don’t post anything I wouldn’t say to her face given the chance.. at least not to the public eye.

I have nothing to hide.. and maybe, just maybe, she’d be able to see that Step mom and all, I’m truly a pretty nice person. Not out to take her daughter away.

Nice post, Jill. Thank you.

]]> By: Mrs. H http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/26/some-non-scary-reasons-the-moms-and-stepmoms-in-our-lives-might-be-reading-our-blogs/#comment-862 Mrs. H Thu, 28 Feb 2008 18:22:13 +0000 http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/26/some-non-scary-reasons-the-moms-and-stepmoms-in-our-lives-might-be-reading-our-blogs/#comment-862 Some of the best comments I have gotten on my blog have been from Biomoms. Since we are not dealing with a totally sane BM in our situation, the perspectives of BM's who don't have mental health issues, have really helped me grow in this situation. Sometimes it is so hard to separate the mom from the illness from the situation. I don't know what I would do if BM found out about my blog. Part of me would welcome it, because maybe it could help her be a little more introspective, but most of me knows that she would either not recognize herself in the situation and/or she would lash out. I wish it were just about changing perspective. The thing is, we never know which person we are dealing with when it comes to her. So, I have to admit that my blog has been the greatest outlet I have had. I need to vent----even if it is sometimes a childish temper tantrum----and I need the commune with other stepmoms. That being said, I am considering taking my blog private........ Some of the best comments I have gotten on my blog have been from Biomoms. Since we are not dealing with a totally sane BM in our situation, the perspectives of BM’s who don’t have mental health issues, have really helped me grow in this situation. Sometimes it is so hard to separate the mom from the illness from the situation.

I don’t know what I would do if BM found out about my blog. Part of me would welcome it, because maybe it could help her be a little more introspective, but most of me knows that she would either not recognize herself in the situation and/or she would lash out.

I wish it were just about changing perspective. The thing is, we never know which person we are dealing with when it comes to her. So, I have to admit that my blog has been the greatest outlet I have had. I need to vent—-even if it is sometimes a childish temper tantrum—-and I need the commune with other stepmoms.

That being said, I am considering taking my blog private……..

]]> By: -d http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/26/some-non-scary-reasons-the-moms-and-stepmoms-in-our-lives-might-be-reading-our-blogs/#comment-860 -d Thu, 28 Feb 2008 04:30:29 +0000 http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/26/some-non-scary-reasons-the-moms-and-stepmoms-in-our-lives-might-be-reading-our-blogs/#comment-860 I agree Jill! It took me about five years to realize those statements were true. And it was a LONG five years. -d I agree Jill! It took me about five years to realize those statements were true. And it was a LONG five years.
-d

]]> By: Jill http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/26/some-non-scary-reasons-the-moms-and-stepmoms-in-our-lives-might-be-reading-our-blogs/#comment-859 Jill Thu, 28 Feb 2008 03:20:21 +0000 http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/26/some-non-scary-reasons-the-moms-and-stepmoms-in-our-lives-might-be-reading-our-blogs/#comment-859 Those are some pretty liberating ideas. They freed me a lot, too. At the same time, though, I think it's pretty painful to feel like you're not being seen as fully human -- especially by folks who have some influence over your kids. It takes a while to work through that I think and to figure out how to let go... I think sometimes there's an adjustment period where it's normal to be in shock about not being understood, and where you're just looking for any meaning you can find from what the other person is saying or writing. But yeah, I agree -- I think ultimately those realizations you outlined are the only ones that can really set you free. It's an incredibly empowering thing to get there eventually. But I think how empowering it is comes in proportion to how hard it is to get there -- it takes a while, and I think that's pretty normal, too. I just want to make sure you know you're always welcome here, Bio Mom. (Everybody is.) Feel free to comment, think out loud, or just read if that's more comfortable. Those are some pretty liberating ideas. They freed me a lot, too. At the same time, though, I think it’s pretty painful to feel like you’re not being seen as fully human — especially by folks who have some influence over your kids. It takes a while to work through that I think and to figure out how to let go… I think sometimes there’s an adjustment period where it’s normal to be in shock about not being understood, and where you’re just looking for any meaning you can find from what the other person is saying or writing. But yeah, I agree — I think ultimately those realizations you outlined are the only ones that can really set you free. It’s an incredibly empowering thing to get there eventually. But I think how empowering it is comes in proportion to how hard it is to get there — it takes a while, and I think that’s pretty normal, too.

I just want to make sure you know you’re always welcome here, Bio Mom. (Everybody is.) Feel free to comment, think out loud, or just read if that’s more comfortable.

]]> By: -d http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/26/some-non-scary-reasons-the-moms-and-stepmoms-in-our-lives-might-be-reading-our-blogs/#comment-858 -d Thu, 28 Feb 2008 03:00:17 +0000 http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/26/some-non-scary-reasons-the-moms-and-stepmoms-in-our-lives-might-be-reading-our-blogs/#comment-858 Dear Bio Mom, The best thing you can do for yourself. Stop worrying about what "he" told "her" about "your" relationship; demise of your relationship; etc. It doesn't matter in the long run. 1. You can't control it. 2. You can't change it. 3. Each story has two sides, worry only about yours and let him take care of his. I can't tell you how incredibly freeing the realization of those things were for me. It was such a changing point in my entire life when I realized those things. -d Dear Bio Mom,

The best thing you can do for yourself. Stop worrying about what “he” told “her” about “your” relationship; demise of your relationship; etc. It doesn’t matter in the long run.

1. You can’t control it.
2. You can’t change it.
3. Each story has two sides, worry only about yours and let him take care of his.

I can’t tell you how incredibly freeing the realization of those things were for me. It was such a changing point in my entire life when I realized those things.
-d

]]> By: Laurie from DivorcingDaze http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/26/some-non-scary-reasons-the-moms-and-stepmoms-in-our-lives-might-be-reading-our-blogs/#comment-857 Laurie from DivorcingDaze Thu, 28 Feb 2008 02:37:59 +0000 http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/26/some-non-scary-reasons-the-moms-and-stepmoms-in-our-lives-might-be-reading-our-blogs/#comment-857 control, control and control. Not necessarily in that order. control, control and control. Not necessarily in that order.

]]> By: Jill http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/26/some-non-scary-reasons-the-moms-and-stepmoms-in-our-lives-might-be-reading-our-blogs/#comment-856 Jill Thu, 28 Feb 2008 02:01:55 +0000 http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/26/some-non-scary-reasons-the-moms-and-stepmoms-in-our-lives-might-be-reading-our-blogs/#comment-856 True!!! I wonder why he listens, and why he wants your podcasts to stop. True!!! I wonder why he listens, and why he wants your podcasts to stop.

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