Comments on: I love you more than all the glass in the house. http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/19/i-love-you-more-than-all-the-glass-in-the-house/ A mom and a stepmom share stories, ideas, friendship and family Wed, 27 Aug 2008 23:42:00 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6 By: tinker http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/19/i-love-you-more-than-all-the-glass-in-the-house/#comment-826 tinker Fri, 22 Feb 2008 07:36:46 +0000 http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/19/i-love-you-more-than-all-the-glass-in-the-house/#comment-826 This is such a beautiful slice of life, Jill. Thanks for sharing it. This is such a beautiful slice of life, Jill. Thanks for sharing it.

]]> By: Susan Kitchens http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/19/i-love-you-more-than-all-the-glass-in-the-house/#comment-819 Susan Kitchens Thu, 21 Feb 2008 20:56:58 +0000 http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/19/i-love-you-more-than-all-the-glass-in-the-house/#comment-819 Word. Word.

]]> By: clevergirl http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/19/i-love-you-more-than-all-the-glass-in-the-house/#comment-812 clevergirl Thu, 21 Feb 2008 02:02:40 +0000 http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/19/i-love-you-more-than-all-the-glass-in-the-house/#comment-812 What a lovely story! I will have to remember it for later. What a lovely story! I will have to remember it for later.

]]> By: Jill http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/19/i-love-you-more-than-all-the-glass-in-the-house/#comment-809 Jill Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:50:20 +0000 http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/19/i-love-you-more-than-all-the-glass-in-the-house/#comment-809 What an honor, Jacquelyn! I'd love that. I should confess a couple of things to everybody else: 1.) I've packed away anything of mine that I would really melt down over if it broke. It's either in my bedroom or packed in a box. And I do think leaning heavily on the "I don't like it when my stuff gets broken -- how would you feel if it was your stuff that had gotten broken? I feel like you would feel. Please respect my stuff." message is TOTALLY appropriate if kids are breaking your stuff. 2.) I DO melt down. Mostly over rejected meals I've slaved over. I think I'll write more about this. 3.) I'm not that physically demonstrative, and I'm a little shy, so a wide open, clearly-welcomed-by-the-kids chance to say "I love you" was a godsend for me when this happened. What an honor, Jacquelyn! I’d love that.

I should confess a couple of things to everybody else:

1.) I’ve packed away anything of mine that I would really melt down over if it broke. It’s either in my bedroom or packed in a box. And I do think leaning heavily on the “I don’t like it when my stuff gets broken — how would you feel if it was your stuff that had gotten broken? I feel like you would feel. Please respect my stuff.” message is TOTALLY appropriate if kids are breaking your stuff.

2.) I DO melt down. Mostly over rejected meals I’ve slaved over. I think I’ll write more about this.

3.) I’m not that physically demonstrative, and I’m a little shy, so a wide open, clearly-welcomed-by-the-kids chance to say “I love you” was a godsend for me when this happened.

]]> By: Jacquelyn Fletcher http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/19/i-love-you-more-than-all-the-glass-in-the-house/#comment-807 Jacquelyn Fletcher Wed, 20 Feb 2008 19:37:06 +0000 http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/19/i-love-you-more-than-all-the-glass-in-the-house/#comment-807 Jill: What a fantastic post! I'd love to run it in an upcoming Becoming a Stepmom newsletter if you're game. And great blog, too. Thanks so much for all the wisdom and honesty you share! Jacque Jill:
What a fantastic post! I’d love to run it in an upcoming Becoming a Stepmom newsletter if you’re game. And great blog, too. Thanks so much for all the wisdom and honesty you share!
Jacque

]]> By: Izzy Rose http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/19/i-love-you-more-than-all-the-glass-in-the-house/#comment-805 Izzy Rose Wed, 20 Feb 2008 15:40:22 +0000 http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/19/i-love-you-more-than-all-the-glass-in-the-house/#comment-805 OH NO- he broke the vase! I put my hand over my mouth when I read it. That was a sacrifice and he did make a point. How do you be such a forgiving, wise and generous woman? I think it's probably just who you are and it's quite remarkable. I think in my mind, I do nice things like you do , but then when the vase in my house breaks, I'm not so beautifully composed. Your kids are lucky. Tell them I said so. IR OH NO- he broke the vase! I put my hand over my mouth when I read it. That was a sacrifice and he did make a point.

How do you be such a forgiving, wise and generous woman? I think it’s probably just who you are and it’s quite remarkable. I think in my mind, I do nice things like you do , but then when the vase in my house breaks, I’m not so beautifully composed. Your kids are lucky. Tell them I said so.

IR

]]> By: Aunt Pillowhead http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/19/i-love-you-more-than-all-the-glass-in-the-house/#comment-803 Aunt Pillowhead Wed, 20 Feb 2008 13:20:54 +0000 http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/19/i-love-you-more-than-all-the-glass-in-the-house/#comment-803 Yes, Jill, very beautiful. What I especially love about what you've written is your honesty about the importance of the ratio of the value of the piece and the remorseful reaction of the kids. If they hadn't expected you to be angry, if you hadn't felt their fear and their immediate wish to be forgiven, would your gentleness have had as much impact, and would you have felt it as sincerely? In all relationships, there has to be this kind of allowance and opportunity for us to be our best selves. And with stepparenting, this is exactly where we're most often handicapped. Stepkids naturally begrudge our residence in their worlds, and in ways both big and small, they work to deny us our rights there. This makes it so, so hard to be our best selves! In this case, your stepkids immediately acknowledged your territory and their violation, so you didn't have to assert it yourself. They allowed you to be generous, and you were generous. The good news is that as my stepsons have gotten older and require less supervision, I'm spending a lot less time telling them what I think they need to know or hear, both about who I am and how they're behaving. And now, (maybe as a result?) they've begun to ask me for the things they know I can offer, that they have learned to value and that comfort them. I feel like a business that doesn't have to advertise anymore, which is a much nicer way to have presence here in our home. You're doing a great job. Your stepkids know it now. And when they're older, they'll let you know how much they appreciate you. Yes, Jill, very beautiful. What I especially love about what you’ve written is your honesty about the importance of the ratio of the value of the piece and the remorseful reaction of the kids. If they hadn’t expected you to be angry, if you hadn’t felt their fear and their immediate wish to be forgiven, would your gentleness have had as much impact, and would you have felt it as sincerely? In all relationships, there has to be this kind of allowance and opportunity for us to be our best selves. And with stepparenting, this is exactly where we’re most often handicapped. Stepkids naturally begrudge our residence in their worlds, and in ways both big and small, they work to deny us our rights there. This makes it so, so hard to be our best selves! In this case, your stepkids immediately acknowledged your territory and their violation, so you didn’t have to assert it yourself. They allowed you to be generous, and you were generous.
The good news is that as my stepsons have gotten older and require less supervision, I’m spending a lot less time telling them what I think they need to know or hear, both about who I am and how they’re behaving. And now, (maybe as a result?) they’ve begun to ask me for the things they know I can offer, that they have learned to value and that comfort them. I feel like a business that doesn’t have to advertise anymore, which is a much nicer way to have presence here in our home.

You’re doing a great job. Your stepkids know it now. And when they’re older, they’ll let you know how much they appreciate you.

]]> By: Natalie http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/19/i-love-you-more-than-all-the-glass-in-the-house/#comment-801 Natalie Wed, 20 Feb 2008 00:23:37 +0000 http://www.thedhx.com/2008/02/19/i-love-you-more-than-all-the-glass-in-the-house/#comment-801 This is beautiful, Jill. What a powerful message! Thank you. This is beautiful, Jill. What a powerful message! Thank you.

]]>