Clearly we need to show a little more of our dirty laundry here
Jan 24th, 2008 by Jill
(Okay, so that’s not really dirty laundry. It’s laundry in the rain. But that’s all you’re getting photo-wise.)
I read a comment on another blog (I wish I could find it again) about how there is a wave of new blogs coming out trying to make people feel guilty about not being friends with the mom or stepmom in their lives. My dears. Please do not feel guilty. About anything. I don’t want anyone to come to this site and feel guilty. Guilt has never worked for me. It doesn’t move me to be better. It immobilizes me. If anything, it keeps me down. So, I’ve sworn it off. The last thing I want is to inspire it in other people. I don’t know if that comment was about us or not, but it’s so far from what I want.
Please know that Kathy and I don’t think that everybody has to be friends with the mom or stepmom in their life. We don’t know what you should do.
We know we’ve learned a lot from each other. And we think, based on our experience, that outright warfare doesn’t have to be the norm. But we’re just two crazy Californians crowded into one little blog. Maybe outright warfare does have to be the norm! We’re not the experts. We’re opinionated people who know how to use blogging software. And who think guilt is stupid. And who are highly imperfect. And who love comments, even ones telling us we’re wrong.
As an offering to anyone who has ever come here and felt guilt, I’m going to share some things with you:
- The kids will eat almost none of my cooking. It drives me crazy. Fighting, yelling, knocking over of objects, cursing and crying have all happened during mealtimes at our house. Recently. (For the record, I did not knock any objects over.)
- The kids are allowed to swear.
- I swear in front of the kids.
- I showed Chris the uncensored version of Old School when he was fourteen. Um. Major lapse in judgment. Can you imagine my terror at telling Kathy I did that?
- I also showed him Borat. Aack.
- I’m an atheist.
- I’m pretty controlling.
- It would not be that hard to portray me as a cold, selfish, attention-hungry, hyper-sensitive, demanding person who is pretty clueless about parenting. Yeah, I have all that stuff in me. But I have lots of good things in me, too. Like cocktails. And cellulite.
I’m just warming up here. This is dirty laundry lite. We’re going to talk a little more about our back story in the next few weeks. Stay tuned!
I am cracking up here!! Thanks for starting my day off with a good laugh.
My DH and I started watching Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle with our SDs. Holy Cow! I kept saying to DH, “Do you think maybe we should turn this off?” and he kept saying, “Nah, it couldn’t get much worse than this.” And it kept getting worse, and worse. It took about 45 minutes before we finally did. Oops!
Old School and Borat are two of my favorites! Maybe we should start a cocktails-and-cellulite stepmom support forum.
Have you seen Izzy Rose’s forum over at Stepmother’s Milk? It has that vibe. It’s pretty wonderful.
http://stepmothersmilk.com/sf-forum/
Although I would just like to add for the record that I do not think that Izzy has done any of the things I’ve mentioned above or that she has any cellulite! She does make some hard core cocktails, though.
I love your dirty laundry. I like you more every day. And for the record, I have cellulite and swear in front of the kids (although guiltily) and drinking is one of my parenting skills. Oh, and The Royal Tanenbaums was our holiday movie last year, along with Mel Brooks’ History of the World (ugghh)
The forum on my site (I am happy to say) has been getting some pretty interesting entries lately. I am inspired. Come on by sometime.
“It would not be that hard to portray me as a cold, selfish, attention-hungry, hyper-sensitive, demanding person who is pretty clueless about parenting. Yeah, I have all that stuff in me. But I have lots of good things in me, too. Like cocktails. And cellulite.”
I can so relate! This is exactly how I feel most of the time.
To qualify the “kids are allowed to swear” I should add that they’re allowed to swear, but they’re not allowed to say put downs. So, “Sh*t!” is accepted (but not encouraged), but “You are a sh*thead!” is not okay.
Hi guys! I love this entry. It helped a hopeful like me feel better about my day. I’m trying to take it one day at a time. I can never tell what the next day will bring. A lot of days I hope for the miracle. Or a kind interaction between myself and X. But until that point it’s good to know that there are those that understand and there is proof that it can change. Maybe it won’t change for me but there is hope for others in similar positions that know that it’s possible. I love your posts. I like having my thoughts and emotions provoked.
I have cocktails and cellulite, too!!!
I showed them Borat first. So there.