Holiday tip #2: Do something nice for another family member who might be hurting
Dec 14th, 2007 by Jill
Holidays can be pretty challenging in stepfamilies. (Did I just win the understatement of the year award?) Here’s the deal though: if they’re hard for you, chances are they’re hard for other people in your immediate or extended stepfamily, too. Anyone could be feeling frustrated, awkward or sad: the kids, the kids’ other parent, your partner, the kids’ other parent’s partner, or — even more likely — everyone might feel a little crummy for parts of the holiday season. If the kids are acting out or the other grownups are driving you crazy, chances are they’re in pain. Try letting go of how things are supposed to be, and try looking for any little kind gestures you can make. You might include a family member more, or you might give them more space, depending on what they seem to want. You might start a conversation about something you know they are interested in. You might pick out a special little gift that shows that you get and like and accept them. You might just spend 60 seconds imagining how they are feeling and what the holidays look like from their perspective. You don’t have to make them feel better — you may not be able to. The point is not to get them to reciprocate, either. It’s just that getting the focus off our own pain and reaching out in empathy to someone else — even just a little bit — can be healing.
Ah, Jill you have such good advice here. Where were you when I was in the midst of my divorce.