The books that helped
Dec 13th, 2007 by Jill
As we mentioned in our DivorcingDaze interview, Kathy and I didn’t always get along. We had a period of time — about a year — where we basically didn’t talk to each other. From my perspective, I was shocked and surprised at the degree to which our houses and lives were intertwined. It was beyond anything I’d ever imagined. And as soon as I moved in with G, it — the intertwinement — just appeared. I’m sure from Kathy’s perspective it was pretty frustrating, too, to have me pop up in the middle of all the systems and patterns she and G and the kids had worked out over the years. But all I really know is my own perspective. It was like an iceberg in the water — I could see the top of it — going to each other’s parties and being friendly — but I didn’t see the base of it — incredibly intertwined daily life details, like stopping by to pick things up and drop things off and planning and executing every day details like dental appointments and sleepovers and basketball practice together — until I moved in with G. And then I saw it suddenly, overwhelmingly, and I didn’t like it.
I liked Kathy. I didn’t like feeling a complete lack of control over the daily details of my life, now that it was shared with G and the boys. And I was surprised that Kathy would have such an influence over the daily details of my own life. Nothing had led me to expect it. So I struggled against it. Which led to struggling against Kathy. Which led nowhere (except to misery).
That was a rough year, the year we didn’t talk.
I read stacks of books looking for answers, and most of the answers I found were not in stepfamily books. Over the next few weeks, I’ll tell you about the books that helped me most — the books that helped me to grow and stretch and soften and to reimagine my stepfamily life, and to reconnect with Kathy, who I found that I loved.
Follow-up posts:
