I yelled at the kids yesterday in the car. They were being annoying on purpose because we wouldn’t go somewhere they wanted to go. I turned around angry and yelled, “That’s annoying! Stop it!”
And now I feel like crap.
Still.
G was driving, and I could tell he didn’t like it (the yelling part). I asked him when we were alone together what he thought would have been the best thing to say. He said something along the lines of, “I’m tired and I’m behind on all the errands I need to do today and going to X store was never on my list of things to do in the first place, and I’ve been driving you around already and it feels really unfair that you’re trying to bug me into going some place that wasn’t even on my list of places to go.”
I didn’t even know that this was what was going on with me until he said it — all I knew was that I was annoyed and that my feelings were hurt. I have a lot to learn about understanding in real time why I feel how I feel and then communicating it in a way that gets across. Usually I can figure it out after a few days.
Boy can I relate to that (the yelling and feeling like crap). Sure did that a number of times when you guys were younger. I think whatever method you use to do it (remember the fine dollar? you guys weren’ t the only ones that got that, I had one too. That was our method of trying to get us to stop and think before acting)
The whole idea is to try to stop, before you act, and figure out what is driving you, and then address that Easy to do when you are an observer, harder to do when you are trying to observe yourself in the middle of the emotions and then act rationally. Anger and angry comments are always driven by some other feelings (in my experience) and figuring out what they are and then acting according to those feelings is the key. (Which it seems like G helped you see :-))
Seems like I get the most practice time with this while I am driving these days…. no kids anymore to help me learn this skill, just lots of crazy drivers impeding my progress
Mom!!! You are here! Hooray!