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Monthly Archive for December, 2007

For the kids or for each other?

We get a lot of comments about how nice it is that we work together for the sake of the kids, and it’s true — it is nice for the kids that we work together, but it’s not just for the kids — at least from my perspective. It’s for me, it’s for G, and [...]

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Sewing new pictures and details on the stockings is my favorite part of the holidays. Sewing quiets the worry part of my brain. My brain follows its rhythms, thinks a space ahead and generates ideas as I need them. I’m in flow. Sewing is my own. It’s not a holiday tradition in any of our [...]

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Stepmom holiday needs

I keep this list of human needs posted on the refrigerator to help myself articulate what’s going on with me. Here are the things I find myself wanting deeply around holiday times:

acceptance
affection
appreciation
belonging
inclusion
to be seen
to be known
to be understood
presence
safety
choice
freedom
space

It’s not that it’s anyone’s (or any group of people’s) job to intuit what I want or to [...]

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Christmas stockings, after

Chris’s elf got braces.

G’s robot’s display screen started working.

I hung ornaments on my tree.

Kathy asked for a big green dollar sign with “The DHX” stitched on it. I think she might have been half-joking. But that was a fun one to make.

Jack wanted a little ying-yang sign — like his mom’s — to replace one [...]

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Christmas

On Christmas Eve, Kathy came over to our house. G and Jack made G’s mom’s traditional rosemary walnuts. G cooked a grass-fed, free range, dry aged steak, potatoes au gratin, and green beans.

G’s potatoes au gratin (made from this Jeffrey Steingarten recipe).
I made a winter vegetable chowder, blue baby potatoes with slivered garlic, and my [...]

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Christmas morning walk


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This is one of my favorite songs, and it feels like a Christmas song, even though it probably isn’t: Ubi caritas - setting by Maurice Durufle
“Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est / Where charity and love are, God is there” (lyrics)
Merry Christmas!

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Inside Out

By Katherine Shirek Doughtie
I think one of the most seering side-effects of divorce is how it affects all the relationships in your life, not just that between you and your ex. Mutual friends are forced to choose sides. People start projecting your divorce into their own lives and avoid both of you like [...]

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How we do holidays

By Katherine Shirek Doughtie
Both G and I have been with both kids every Christmas of their lives. And whether or not that’s a truly important statistic, it feels kind of important. Important enough for us to have made the effort to figure out some strategies that seem pretty sensible. Maybe other [...]

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Links for Sunday, December 23

globeandmail.com: Merry Ex-mas: For the newly separated or divorced, this coming week rears its head like a monster from an emotional netherworld, but new traditions can add some much-needed cheer to the festivities
Divorcing Daze Yahoo! group: “This group is a supportive community welcome to all women who are dealing with the daily challenges of single [...]

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